I remember thinking to myself when my kids were babies and I was a stay at home mom “I don’t know what I should be doing all day.”

@the_ventingmama

I know that being a stay at home mom is a blessing, I really do. But for me, it was the cause of a massive downward spiral in my life.

I had no hobbies, no purpose, no motivation. I KNOW that being a working mom is SO tough as well, but I can only talk about my experience staying home.

Since both of my kids had colic as babies, it felt like I couldn’t do anything right. It felt like no matter what I did they cried and were unhappy.

Do you know how hard it is to be alone in a house with crying babies all day? With no adults to talk to? With no breaks? I remember I couldn’t even make or eat lunch without holding at least one kid.

Growing up, I always wanted to be a stay at home mom. I could not imagine sending my kids to day care and feeling like somebody else was raising them. But honestly, that was not the best decision for my mental health.

I underestimated just how hard it would be. How demanding. How draining. How I would feel like I had no identity outside of being a mom.

The lack of motivation and hobbies really affected me. I would get out of bed in the morning and my whole day would revolve around keeping the kids happy. So much so, that I forgot about what made me happy.

When I decided to go back to work part time, I remember feeling SO guilty. Like I was a failure. Like I couldn’t at least make it until my kids were in kindergarten.

Realistically, it was the best decision I ever made. I began to find pieces of myself again. I began to feel like “Alyssa”. Not “mom” or “wife”, which seemed to be the only 2 titles I identified with.

Now, I find working part time at the library and having a side hustle is the perfect balance for my life and for my kids. We still get to spend a lot of time together, but I also have something that I get to do for just me.

It can be so easy to get lost in motherhood, especially as a stay at home mom, but there is ALWAYS a light at the end of every tunnel. So if you are struggling at all in motherhood, try to remember that this portion of your life won’t last forever. You WILL find your identity again. If I could do it, then SO CAN YOU!