Mom guilt. Why is that even a thing? Why isn’t there “Dad guilt”?
I have dealt with mom guilt (as I am sure all moms have) and it is something I continue to struggle with. I have such a hard time with feeling guilty because my main priority in life is being a good mom and I worry that if I don’t spend all of my free time with my kids, that I am not being the best mom I can be.
But honestly, how silly is that? When we enter into motherhood, we forget about the person that we were before we had kids. For me, it was like I transformed from a person who was selfish, young, carefree, and fun loving, to someone who had to be patient, responsible, and mature. That was a really difficult. I grew up in a house where I was pretty spoiled, and I will admit that I picked a husband who spoils me as well. What I wasn’t expecting was that motherhood was not going to spoil me. In fact, it did the opposite. It broke me down in ways that I was not prepared for.
So by the time I began to find my footing in motherhood, I didn’t even remember the things I did to bring me joy before having kids. That’s sad, isn’t it? I had no hobbies and I had no idea what I liked to do for “fun” besides sit down at the end of the night with a glass of wine and some reality TV and relax without the kids being awake. But there’s more to me than that. There are things that I loved before becoming a mom that I hoped I would someday find again.
Another thing I wasn’t expecting was when I was trying to figure out what those hobbies were, that I would have feelings of immense guilt for not being with my children. I love my kids, and if you’ve read any of my other blog posts then I hope that you know that by now. But I also love myself – and I had honestly forgotten how to do that after becoming a mom. It is so hard to get away from the kids to do anything without feeling guilty about it.
Since I was a stay at home mom for so long, going back to work was another thing that triggered my mom guilt. Luckily, my husband was very supportive of this decision so that lessened my guilt about it, but it was hard knowing that I would lose some time with the kids and have to trust somebody else to take care of them.
My house is loud. VERY loud. The kid’s are at the age right now that they don’t understand what an “inside voice” is and that is so tough for me, personally. My husband does not understand when I tell him that the loud noise makes my head spin because it doesn’t affect him the same. But the loud noises are so triggering for my anxiety and they make me feel so ridiculously overwhelmed. So sometimes when they are yelling, I find myself yelling right back at them. It’s not like I mean to, but it is so easy to lose my shit when I am overwhelmed. Just add that to something else I feel guilty about.
When I feel like I am not appreciating my life enough, I feel guilty. When I am overstimulated, I feel guilty. When I take time away from my kids, I feel guilty. There are so many times that I feel guilty, but I find myself questioning, WHY?! For the most part, I am a happy, present, loving mom who spends as much time as I can with my kids. Am I the perfect mom? Definitely not. I have my moments. But do my kids know, without a shadow of a doubt, that they are loved and taken care of? Absolutely. So I have nothing to feel guilty about. And you don’t either.