Did you know that all moms lose their shit? Did you know there are even books written about moms losing their shit? I once read a self help book called “How to Stop Losing your Shit with your Kids”. But the funny thing is, when my kids were babies and I was losing my shit constantly, I thought I was the only mom in the world who dealt with this. I remember thinking “oh my gosh, I can’t even control my own emotions, what kind of a mother am I?”
It wasn’t until I started opening up about my struggles to my close friends that I realized I am not alone. Motherhood is, in fact, hard on us all. Everybody else seemed to just put on a brave face and I thought I was the only one suffering and the only one who thought that this was the hardest thing I had ever done in my life.
The newborn stage was very, very hard on me. Not that the toddler stage was much easier, especially since my kids are so close in age. Both of my babies had colic and cried ALL. THE. TIME. It was so emotionally draining on me. Since I was a stay at home mom, at times it felt like my house was a prison. My kids HATED the car, so not only was it hard to get all of us packed up and ready and out the door, but as soon as we got into the car the kids would cry. It didn’t matter if the car ride was 5 minutes or 50, the crying would be nonstop from both kids. Have you ever been in a car with 2 hysterically crying kids? If not, you’re lucky. If you have, I FEEL YOU.
Since leaving the house was such a production for me and the kids, staying home was our only option. But that was also very triggering for my anxiety. The feeling like I couldn’t leave the house or talk to another adult until my husband came home really took its toll on me. I found myself losing my shit all the time. Multiple times per day I would yell, cry, throw objects, all because I physically could not handle my emotions. If there was a video camera set up in my house during that time of my life, I am sure people would have thought I was crazy. And perhaps I was. Perhaps we all go a little crazy in motherhood sometimes. But it would have made me feel so much better knowing that I was not the only mom who was yelling and crying and throwing things out of frustration.
“You can’t pour from an empty cup.” My cup during the postpartum period was always empty and I genuinely didn’t know how to refill it. That definitely led to me not being able to handle my emotions. I felt like I couldn’t take care of myself, and yet I was basically solely responsible for these 2 little humans. HOW?!? Of course I was bound to lose my shit. Moral of the story: please don’t feel alone if you are struggling post partum with yelling, screaming, crying, or throwing things out of frustration. I was right there with you and I am here to tell you that it does get better and it gets easier and you will get through this. I do wish I would have asked for more help sooner, but hindsight is 20/20. If you think your emotions are a little too out of control, don’t hesitate to ask your doctor about medication. It has been life changing for me, and maybe it could be for you, too.